LLPOF

To say that last Friday was busy, would be an understatement. We had coppers coming in from other cities to cover our calls. It was nucking futs. I handled so many calls, it was ridiculous. We had gangsters running from us, major traffic accidents, drunks driving down the main drag on their rims, sparks flying. One of our guys got shot at. He was not hit and we never figured out who shot at him.

It has taken me a few days to process all the craziness from last Friday and you know what stands out to me the most? I got lied to quite a bit that day and it amazes me how bad people are at lying. Do you really think I am that stupid? Does the uniform activate some kind of dumbass lying reflex? Let me go by the numbers here...

#1. Recovered Stolen Vehicle
My partner and I get dispatched to a recovered stolen vehicle. I am handling the call. These are pretty easy. Someone forgets where they park their car and they report it stolen. They find it the next day and have to call us to come out and confirm. If they don't, they end up getting proned out at gunpoint on the highway.

So I knock on the door and LIAR answers the door. He is really quiet. I have to ask him obvious questions that people usually volunteer. His hands are shaking. Within like 15 seconds of talking to the guy, I know something is up. I am not sure what yet, but something is not right.

ME: Did you call us?

LIAR: Yeah.

ME: So you found your car?

LIAR: Yeah.

ME: Ok, where was it? How did you come to think it was stolen?

LIAR: Oh, I drove it to a parking lot, took a bus and forgot I left it in the parking lot.

So, he has a car, but he took a bus halfway? SHENANIGANS!

ME: Ok, let's go look at the car.

He show's me his POS (Piece of shit) car. I am trying to imaging anyone wanting to steal it. There is fresh front end damage on the car. BINGO! So I say...

ME: When did you get this damage on the car?

LIAR: About two weeks ago.

ME: Oh, because it looks a day or two old.

So my partner, wanting to mess with this dirtbag a bit goes...

PARTNER: The only reason we mention it is because some people report their cars stolen when they commit crimes or are involved in hit and runs. We are not saying you would do that, but we have to investigate.

LIAR: Really?

I smile at my partner, he rolls his eyes and I proceed to finish up the recovered vehicle report. I can't prove he was involved in a hit and run, but DUH.

#2. Rear End
We roll up on a small little traffic accident. A nice SUV rear ends a shitty mini-van. No big deal and the damage is minor. The SUV is at fault. I advise them to just exchange info. The guy in the mini-van said he did not need paramedics. However, he starts this Oscar winning neck injury performance. His neck must hurt from seeing dollar signs. So this means we have to take a nonsense traffic report just so this idiot can attempt to milk the other guy for $$$. Whatever.

While I am getting the info from the SUV driver, Mr. Mini Van comes walking over. I am thin on patience at this point. So I turn around and say, "Why don't you go sit down in your vehicle and I will be with you when I am done here. I wouldn't want you to further injure yourself. Are you sure you don't want paramedics?" I am hoping he could tell that I was not buying it. I even told the SUV guy what I thought was going on and wished him good luck.

#3. Vandalism
I stop these kids in an alleyway. We received a call on some kids tagging some store fronts. One of the kids has a white paint marker in his pocket, white paint on his hands, and he is sitting right by a pole that has been marked with a white marker. Hmmm...you think maybe they were tagging?

PARTNER: What name do you tag under?

KID: I don't tag.

PARTNER: Seriously? Look, this is your one chance. I am not an idiot. You can either get a ticket, go to the station and we can have your parents come pick you up, or you can be straight with me and I will let you go.

They go round and round like this for about five minutes. The kid lies like crazy until finally he tells the truth. We take his photos and info. We will see them again soon, I am sure.

#4. Traffic Accident
We roll to a traffic accident with a rolled over vehicle. It is a really nice Mercedes...bummer. The driver has a few scratches, but he is ok. Lucky dude.

He tells us someone hit him hard from behind and he crashed. So I look at the rear of his car and there is not a scratch on it. In fact the rear portion of the car is the only part of the car that does not have some damage on it.

You messed up and flipped your car over. You have insurance. Why lie? I don't get it.

I used to think it would be difficult to tell when people were lying to you. It is never this obvious on TV. 95% of the time it is glaringly obvious.

By the way, in case you did not figure it out. Liar Liar Pants On Fire.

So Many Flashlights

I carry three flashlights on my person at night. My primary flashlight, my backup flashlight and my weapon light. I am going to talk about each one, where I keep them and what brands I have used.

PRIMARY FLASHLIGHT:
I started my career with Streamlight SL-20X LED. It's a halogen light with an LED low light mode. The idea was that I could use the halogen for most things and the LED for doing paperwork, so I wouldn't blind myself while doing paperwork. I also wanted a hefty flashlight in my hand in case someone attacked me. I could use it for defense. I quickly noticed, after a 12 hour shift, that the light would be dim after a while. The battery just could not handle a full shift of car stops. My partners were getting the new LED lights and they seemed brighter.

After a few months, a friend of mine recommended the LED Lenser P17 flashlight. Initially it was very cool. You could focus the beam, for spotlight or for paperwork and it was hefty...too hefty. I stick the flashlight under my arm quite a bit. It stays there for an extended period of time. The idea is to keep your hands free in case the shit hits the fan. Keeping a fat, heavy flashlight under your arm for that long is tiring. I also noticed the light would dim towards the end of the batteries life. This flashlight used 3 D batteries instead of being rechargeable.

So one night my partner brings out his new flashlight, the Streamlight Stinger LED HP. It is skinnier, smaller and lighter than my other flashlights, so it is very comfortable under the arm for ling periods of time. Oh yah, and it is friggin' WAY bright. Noticeably brighter than my other flashlights. I also like that I can stick it in my rear pants pocket without it feeling akward. It is rechargeable. It has three brightness modes. Finally it has a very cool strobe effect that confuses the hell out of people and seems to stun them for a few seconds. This comes in very handy when I walk up on someone I think may have a weapon.

I still keep my LED Lenser in my bag as a backup primary flashlight. I also have not been using my Stinger for very long, so I may find an issue with it. So far it is awesome. I always work nights, so flashlights are very important to me. As I am sure you can tell.

I keep my primary flashlight either in my non-weapon hand, under my armpit or in my rear pants pocket. When I am driving, it is under my leg, so when I get up I am sure to grab it.


BACKUP FLASHLIGHT:
I do not obsess as much about my backup flashlight. I keep it on the rear of my duty rig in a holster. It only comes out when I don't have my primary flashlight on me. I always carry my backup on my belt, even during daytime. You would be suprised how much you use a flashlight during the day.

I originally had an old Surefire halogen flashlight, but the old halogen flashlights dessimate batteries, so I wanted an LED backup. I finally decided on the Surefire LED Aviator with a red low output beam. This is not a cheap flashlight, in fact, it is the most expensive one I own. My family asked me what I wanted for Christmas last year, and this is what I asked for. They went in together to get it for me.

It is pretty bright for a little LED guy. Not the brightest one on the market, but it is acceptable. The big seller for me was the low output red light. You can use this to see at night and not give away your position. I use it to read in the car when I am being sneaky.

WEAPON LIGHT:
There was really only one choice here, but luckily it was a good one. The Surefire weapon light was the only decent light at the time that had a pressure switch. The Streamlight had a rocker switch and my department would not sign off on it. The pressure switch is the only way to go anyway.

Hopefully, this blog post will help someone save some money. Of course, just because I like a flashlight, does not mean you will.

God's Pot

My partner ant I stopped a couple of kids the other day. They were sitting in there car in a shitty area known for drugs.

As we approach the driver's side of the car we see a bong in the backseat. No big deal, we could care less about marijuana at this point. So I say to the driver, "Hey bud, do you mind stepping out of the car for me?" So he steps out of the car and immediately blurts out, "I'm an ordained minister!!"

I pause for a second and then I start to smirk. It takes some willpower not to laugh, but I want to screw with him a bit. Oh yeah? Is the weed in your car part of your religion?

It turns out, he IS an ordained minister on the way to his sisters wedding rehearsal. He had a certificate with him and everything. It is one of those Internet churches. You can send them money and they will make you a minister. I let him go with a warning.

I don't want to mess with a deity's weed. LOL.

Barf-o-rama

I don't get grossed out easily. I grew up in a law enforcement family, which means dirty jokes and a twisted sense of humor. I had my first call the other night that actually turned me green.

I get a call for a fight. The door opens to the house and I see Ralph. His name was not Ralph, but I think it is appropriate. Ralph has a little blood on his mouth and he looks high as a kite.

I sit Ralph down and put some latex gloves on. I knew this was not going to go well. I can't explain it, you just know sometimes. It is a combination of body language, actual language and the little hairs on the back of your neck.

While my partner talks to Ralph's brother; Ralph decides to start getting squirrely. I end up taking Ralph to the ground after I decide he can't be reasoned with. I tell Ralph, "He dude, relax. You are making this much worse than it needs to be." I am a pretty patient guy, but I have my limits.

Ralph starts making this choking noise. I check to make sure I am not leaning on him too hard. I barely have any weight on him. I have my knee just touching his back and my left foot near his head. I took him to the ground pretty gently, so I am confused.

Then I realize what is happening and I quickly move my foot. Ralph starts vomiting right on his neighbors doormat. Nice. After he is done, I lift him up to move him out of his vomit. He begins to struggle, so I put a little weight on him. Ralph vomits again. I pick him out of his vomit and he flips out AGAIN.

At this point I have had enough. I tell him, "Look dude, I am trying to be nice here! If you vomit again, you are going to have to just deal with it. Everytime I lift you up out of it, you flip out on me."

So now the vomit fountain kicks into high gear. I have him right up on the edge of the stairs. So as he vomits, it runs down the stairs; kind of like a fountain, a disgusting, chunky fountain.

I call for backup to help me get him down the stairs and into my car. So I have to wait like five minutes while I am holding this guy down, in his own vomit. I have my head turned away from him, so that I don't get a full blast of the smell.

It was pretty nasty. I did not eat anything else that night. I think it was a combination of the sight, sound as smell. GROSS! I can still smell it and it has been days. LIVING THE DREAM!! LOL

Thief!

I was driving around town last Friday looking for drunk customers to escort to the clink, when I spot this car. It is a blue Crown Victoria with tinted windows and spotlights on each side. It does almost a perfect impression of one of our gang units cars.

Being the curious type, I pulled up along the right side of it to see who it is. I look in the window and I see some kid with his hat on backwards, dancing in his seat, to what I imagine is Britney Spears. He has got some arm tats and just looks like a little dirtbag.

I already have probable cause to stop the car, as it has tinted windows and I am pulling over just about anything that moves looking for drunks. So I slow down to pull in behind him. Just as I am about to light him up, my shady area partner speeds up behind him, laughing like a jack ass, and pulls him over. Son of a bitch!

I was laughing so hard I almost had to pull over. My partner seemed so pleased with himself. I guess he had been watching me size this guy up and when I decided it was a good stop, he snaked it from me. Wino! The joke was on him though. He put him through the field sobriety tests, got nothing and had to cut him loose. All that work for nothing. I'm sure it was worth it for the look on my face.

I considered squirting a little pepper spray out the window as I drove by, but thought better of it.

Mistakes

I am getting to the point in my training where I am handling calls and given more responsibility. Most of the time, I am allowed to drive. I love driving the police car and I hate it. Let me explain.

When I am sitting in the passenger seat, I can concentrate on one or two things at a time. I hear the radio, I can write down the calls as they come in and I can be on the lookout for anything else.

However, when I am driving, I have to drive safely, write down the calls as they come in, know where are my area partners are, be aware of my surroundings, look up the location of the calls in the mapbook and possibly answer my phone when my area partners call me with information on a call I may be heading to. That is quite a bit of multi-tasking. It is too bad I can't use my GPS while training. That would help.

It is super fun to drive a police car around, but it is also stressful and tiring. It is slowly getting easier, but I am still not 100% comfortable with it.

So with all the added responsibilities, I sometimes miss the little things. The other night I forgot to write in the number of phone calls my prisoner made at the jail phones. Really, not a big deal, but my training officer was behind me when it was kicked back at the jail and he rolled his eyes and said, "Come on!" It was embarassing, but I won't make that mistake again. LOL

On a positive note, when the shit hits the fan, I do well. I had a drunk lady the other night that went to take a bite out of a fireman. I was in the correct position and I took her to the ground before she knew what hit her.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a drunk male take a swing at me. Just by the way he was looking at me, I knew it was coming. I ducked and took him promptly to the dirt. I have never had anyone take a swing at me in my adult life. So I was suprised and relieved that it went so well. Go training!

I have started making checklists for the things I need to do for each type of call. Hopefully this way I won't forget the minor details along the way. There are so many pieces of paperwork that are different depending on what kind of call you get. I am suprised that my partner can remember them all. I suppose after you have done each kind of call a few times, it is not a big deal. I have done a few warrants and they are pretty easy now.

I am still at the point where certain calls I go to are a first for me. I had my first dead body call last month. I had my first mayhem call last weekend. So I had to look up the elements for mayhem to make sure the crime fit the event. It did. Ewwwww.

I love this job and I will get better. I am just at that point where I am teetering on sort of knowing what to do. I will keep telling myself that it will get easier. Anyone who said this job is easy, is full of shit. =)

Sickness

This is a just a quick post to inform those of you just getting into this line of work. I have been sick THREE times in the six months I have been doing this and I have found that I am not the only one that has experienced this.

As a cop you spend your time in a dirty police car, the hospital and the county jail. I guess I should not be suprised. Those are some pretty disgusting places.

I have heard that the first year is the worst and then you are semi-immune.