LLPOF

To say that last Friday was busy, would be an understatement. We had coppers coming in from other cities to cover our calls. It was nucking futs. I handled so many calls, it was ridiculous. We had gangsters running from us, major traffic accidents, drunks driving down the main drag on their rims, sparks flying. One of our guys got shot at. He was not hit and we never figured out who shot at him.

It has taken me a few days to process all the craziness from last Friday and you know what stands out to me the most? I got lied to quite a bit that day and it amazes me how bad people are at lying. Do you really think I am that stupid? Does the uniform activate some kind of dumbass lying reflex? Let me go by the numbers here...

#1. Recovered Stolen Vehicle
My partner and I get dispatched to a recovered stolen vehicle. I am handling the call. These are pretty easy. Someone forgets where they park their car and they report it stolen. They find it the next day and have to call us to come out and confirm. If they don't, they end up getting proned out at gunpoint on the highway.

So I knock on the door and LIAR answers the door. He is really quiet. I have to ask him obvious questions that people usually volunteer. His hands are shaking. Within like 15 seconds of talking to the guy, I know something is up. I am not sure what yet, but something is not right.

ME: Did you call us?

LIAR: Yeah.

ME: So you found your car?

LIAR: Yeah.

ME: Ok, where was it? How did you come to think it was stolen?

LIAR: Oh, I drove it to a parking lot, took a bus and forgot I left it in the parking lot.

So, he has a car, but he took a bus halfway? SHENANIGANS!

ME: Ok, let's go look at the car.

He show's me his POS (Piece of shit) car. I am trying to imaging anyone wanting to steal it. There is fresh front end damage on the car. BINGO! So I say...

ME: When did you get this damage on the car?

LIAR: About two weeks ago.

ME: Oh, because it looks a day or two old.

So my partner, wanting to mess with this dirtbag a bit goes...

PARTNER: The only reason we mention it is because some people report their cars stolen when they commit crimes or are involved in hit and runs. We are not saying you would do that, but we have to investigate.

LIAR: Really?

I smile at my partner, he rolls his eyes and I proceed to finish up the recovered vehicle report. I can't prove he was involved in a hit and run, but DUH.

#2. Rear End
We roll up on a small little traffic accident. A nice SUV rear ends a shitty mini-van. No big deal and the damage is minor. The SUV is at fault. I advise them to just exchange info. The guy in the mini-van said he did not need paramedics. However, he starts this Oscar winning neck injury performance. His neck must hurt from seeing dollar signs. So this means we have to take a nonsense traffic report just so this idiot can attempt to milk the other guy for $$$. Whatever.

While I am getting the info from the SUV driver, Mr. Mini Van comes walking over. I am thin on patience at this point. So I turn around and say, "Why don't you go sit down in your vehicle and I will be with you when I am done here. I wouldn't want you to further injure yourself. Are you sure you don't want paramedics?" I am hoping he could tell that I was not buying it. I even told the SUV guy what I thought was going on and wished him good luck.

#3. Vandalism
I stop these kids in an alleyway. We received a call on some kids tagging some store fronts. One of the kids has a white paint marker in his pocket, white paint on his hands, and he is sitting right by a pole that has been marked with a white marker. Hmmm...you think maybe they were tagging?

PARTNER: What name do you tag under?

KID: I don't tag.

PARTNER: Seriously? Look, this is your one chance. I am not an idiot. You can either get a ticket, go to the station and we can have your parents come pick you up, or you can be straight with me and I will let you go.

They go round and round like this for about five minutes. The kid lies like crazy until finally he tells the truth. We take his photos and info. We will see them again soon, I am sure.

#4. Traffic Accident
We roll to a traffic accident with a rolled over vehicle. It is a really nice Mercedes...bummer. The driver has a few scratches, but he is ok. Lucky dude.

He tells us someone hit him hard from behind and he crashed. So I look at the rear of his car and there is not a scratch on it. In fact the rear portion of the car is the only part of the car that does not have some damage on it.

You messed up and flipped your car over. You have insurance. Why lie? I don't get it.

I used to think it would be difficult to tell when people were lying to you. It is never this obvious on TV. 95% of the time it is glaringly obvious.

By the way, in case you did not figure it out. Liar Liar Pants On Fire.