Barf-o-rama

I don't get grossed out easily. I grew up in a law enforcement family, which means dirty jokes and a twisted sense of humor. I had my first call the other night that actually turned me green.

I get a call for a fight. The door opens to the house and I see Ralph. His name was not Ralph, but I think it is appropriate. Ralph has a little blood on his mouth and he looks high as a kite.

I sit Ralph down and put some latex gloves on. I knew this was not going to go well. I can't explain it, you just know sometimes. It is a combination of body language, actual language and the little hairs on the back of your neck.

While my partner talks to Ralph's brother; Ralph decides to start getting squirrely. I end up taking Ralph to the ground after I decide he can't be reasoned with. I tell Ralph, "He dude, relax. You are making this much worse than it needs to be." I am a pretty patient guy, but I have my limits.

Ralph starts making this choking noise. I check to make sure I am not leaning on him too hard. I barely have any weight on him. I have my knee just touching his back and my left foot near his head. I took him to the ground pretty gently, so I am confused.

Then I realize what is happening and I quickly move my foot. Ralph starts vomiting right on his neighbors doormat. Nice. After he is done, I lift him up to move him out of his vomit. He begins to struggle, so I put a little weight on him. Ralph vomits again. I pick him out of his vomit and he flips out AGAIN.

At this point I have had enough. I tell him, "Look dude, I am trying to be nice here! If you vomit again, you are going to have to just deal with it. Everytime I lift you up out of it, you flip out on me."

So now the vomit fountain kicks into high gear. I have him right up on the edge of the stairs. So as he vomits, it runs down the stairs; kind of like a fountain, a disgusting, chunky fountain.

I call for backup to help me get him down the stairs and into my car. So I have to wait like five minutes while I am holding this guy down, in his own vomit. I have my head turned away from him, so that I don't get a full blast of the smell.

It was pretty nasty. I did not eat anything else that night. I think it was a combination of the sight, sound as smell. GROSS! I can still smell it and it has been days. LIVING THE DREAM!! LOL