OCD Pens!

You wouldn't think so much time and effort would go into choosing a writing implement.  I am here to tell you otherwise.  I have been through at least five different types of pens in an attempt to come up with the PENultimate patrol pen.  See what I did there?

My favorite so far is the Pilot G-2 Retractable Gel Ink Rollerball Pen, 0.7 mm, Fine Point, Clear Barrel, Black Ink.  BOOM!

http://www.officedepot.com/a/products/794047/Pilot-G-2-Retractable-Gel-Ink/?cm_mmc=Mercent-_-Google-_-Pens_Pencils_and_Markers-_-794047-%7Bcopy:IQ_PE%7D&mr:trackingCode=48066F1B-EC81-DE11-B7F3-0019B9C043EB&mr:referralID=NA

You need a pen that is sturdy enough so you can "press hard, three copies", cheap enough that you do not mind losing it or voluntarily giving it up after someone soils it, and writes pretty consistently.

Now, when you get out of the academy, you wear your shiny expensive pens in your shirt pocket.  You want to look BAD-ASS and dialed in.  That will last about as long as you polishing your boots every day. 

I have one pen in my shirt pocket and one of those pen shaped handcuff keys.  I keep an extra pen stuffed by my taser in case the other one goes out.  Your pen is one of the most important things you can have.  If you don't have a working pen and a notepad, you are pretty much useless.

Quick little academy/real life tidbit.  During training in the academy, they told me I could use my pen to double lock handcuffs.  How convenient!  Yeah, you do that a few times and your pen will start leaking ink.  Pen ruined.  Don't do that.  I don't remember who told me that, but I question their expertise.  I figured out that was a bad idea after I went through about 3 pens in one week.

I think I started obsessing about pens during training.  I had to write EVERYTHING down at an extremely fast pace.  If I had to stop to shake the ink in the pen, I missed something.  What did the dispatcher say about the guy with the gun?  Oh never mind, I am sure it was not important.

Am I a weirdo obsessing about pens? For those patrol folks out there, do you have a favorite pen?

I promised myself I wouldn't cry!

I had probably the scariest/best call I have ever been on the other night.  I am going to have to be careful what I say about it as the suspect is going away for a long time and I don't want anything I say here to jeopardize that.  He deserves to go bye bye.

Really, REALLY short version.  Guy with a gun tackled, subdued and arrested.

But, that is not the purpose of this post anyway.  The call was awesome.  Huge adrenaline dump.  We were all done and exhausted after it.  There were only minor injuries to us.  Let me give you some background...

I have been working in my current city for about a year now.  I have earned the trust and respect of 99% of my fellow officers.  They like me and I like them.  However, there is this one crusty veteran that treats me like old white dog shit on the bottom of his shoe.

I would show up to his calls when he asked for backup and he would say something like, "Where is Officer Betterthanyou?"  As if to say, I did not want you, noobtard.  So I stopped showing up at his calls unless he called for me.  Which he never did.  I can take a hint.

We had this stabbing at one of our ghettoish areas.  I show up and he says, "322!  Come stand here and guard this knife."  Does he even know my name?  I don't know.  How about a please/thank you.  I stood on that knife for five hours.  Ugh.

I would take his prisoners to the jail for him when I could.  So that he could stay out and catch more bad guys in his undercover car.  Not so much as a thank you.  In fact, he bullied me in to taking three loser prostitutes one night.  That was the most annoying, longest car ride ever, and I did NOT want to do it.  I am still new, so I took it in the pooper and taxied those three lovely young ladies to the clink.

So, we have this man with a gun call the other night.  I was in the middle of the scrap with three other guys, including Crusty Veteran.  After the craziness is over, this happens:

Crusty Veteran: Hey FlyTrap, do you have latex gloves?

Me: Yes, sir.

Crusty Veteran: Grab the pistol and clear it for me, please.

Holy fucking dogshit, Batman?  Was I recording that?  No I wasn't, shit!  First off, he called me by my first name...and please!.  Also, he asked me to clear the 9mm pistol this dirtbag had tried to kill us with.  That is a huge.  I doubt I would have trusted anyone but myself to clear a loaded weapon and my primary piece of evidence.

At this point, I would have shined his boots, kissed his ass and sucked his....well, maybe not.  It was a big moment for me.  The guy is a genius.  Treats me like shit for months and hands out one compliment.  Now I am ready to give him my first born.

I think it is mostly because I have worked hard to build a positive reputation for myself and he was the one guy I could not get a beat on.  I was convinced if I called out for help, he would run me over on the way, and take my arrest.  LOL.

I may be back to "Hey you!" next week, but for now, call me Captain HAS A NAME!!

SIDENOTE:  Best picture ever!

Pistol Pointing Pressure

I had a strange realization the other night. It is a good thing...just strange.

We get a call for a subject outside a residence trying to break in. As we arrive, I see this white guy with no shirt on running towards the backyard. I calmly put out, "322, white male no shirt, blue jeans running from us towards the alley to the west of the residence." I jump out of the car to the fence that is blocking my entry to the front of the yard. I pull my weapon out. At this point, I do not know if he is armed or not and I really have no idea what is going on. He could have just murdered someone for all I know.

One of our units goes to the back of the house and this guy comes back to the front yard. I notice he is bloody. I point my weapon at him. My partner is closer to him on my right.

PARTNER: "Hey! Police Officer. Keep your hands up and walk over here."

I put out over the radio, "322, we have the suspect in the front yard, one at gunpoint." The dispatcher quickly responds with, "10-4 322, one at gunpoint in the front yard, 10-33." 10-33 basically means the channel is to remain clear for us until we are safe.

NOSHIRT: "Why?"

PARTNER: "Because if you don't, we are going to shoot you."

NOSHIRT: "Oh, ok."

So he walks over to us. I keep him pistol pointed, my partner has him at taser point and another officer hooks him up, searches him and stuffs him in the back of his car.

My last transmission at this point was, "322, one detained 10-34." 10-34 means the 10-33 clearance is over. We are safe.

Now, here is where my realization came in. I am not breathing hard, my heartrate is not elevated and I am very calm. Jump back a year ago on a similar situation and I would have been shooting through the roof, sweating, breathing hard and in an adrenaline rush.

I think I have pistol pointed enough people and been in enough moderately stressful situations that I am getting used to it. That is a very strange thing to get used to. Pointing a weapon at a person who just committed a crime and is bleeding.

Now this "gentleman" had done nothing more than violated a protective order and cut himself running from us on a fence, but I am sure you can imagine how many different scenarios this could have been. He was drunk too and kept yelling, "Bonnie! I love you!"

I made a decision a while back to transfer to this area because it is a REALLY bad area. I did this after I made a stupid mistake on a code 3 run. I let the stress get to me and I was not thinking. I realized that I needed to be exposed to this kind of call more than once a month. I now handle calls like this once a night.

I love my job.

LLPOF

To say that last Friday was busy, would be an understatement. We had coppers coming in from other cities to cover our calls. It was nucking futs. I handled so many calls, it was ridiculous. We had gangsters running from us, major traffic accidents, drunks driving down the main drag on their rims, sparks flying. One of our guys got shot at. He was not hit and we never figured out who shot at him.

It has taken me a few days to process all the craziness from last Friday and you know what stands out to me the most? I got lied to quite a bit that day and it amazes me how bad people are at lying. Do you really think I am that stupid? Does the uniform activate some kind of dumbass lying reflex? Let me go by the numbers here...

#1. Recovered Stolen Vehicle
My partner and I get dispatched to a recovered stolen vehicle. I am handling the call. These are pretty easy. Someone forgets where they park their car and they report it stolen. They find it the next day and have to call us to come out and confirm. If they don't, they end up getting proned out at gunpoint on the highway.

So I knock on the door and LIAR answers the door. He is really quiet. I have to ask him obvious questions that people usually volunteer. His hands are shaking. Within like 15 seconds of talking to the guy, I know something is up. I am not sure what yet, but something is not right.

ME: Did you call us?

LIAR: Yeah.

ME: So you found your car?

LIAR: Yeah.

ME: Ok, where was it? How did you come to think it was stolen?

LIAR: Oh, I drove it to a parking lot, took a bus and forgot I left it in the parking lot.

So, he has a car, but he took a bus halfway? SHENANIGANS!

ME: Ok, let's go look at the car.

He show's me his POS (Piece of shit) car. I am trying to imaging anyone wanting to steal it. There is fresh front end damage on the car. BINGO! So I say...

ME: When did you get this damage on the car?

LIAR: About two weeks ago.

ME: Oh, because it looks a day or two old.

So my partner, wanting to mess with this dirtbag a bit goes...

PARTNER: The only reason we mention it is because some people report their cars stolen when they commit crimes or are involved in hit and runs. We are not saying you would do that, but we have to investigate.

LIAR: Really?

I smile at my partner, he rolls his eyes and I proceed to finish up the recovered vehicle report. I can't prove he was involved in a hit and run, but DUH.

#2. Rear End
We roll up on a small little traffic accident. A nice SUV rear ends a shitty mini-van. No big deal and the damage is minor. The SUV is at fault. I advise them to just exchange info. The guy in the mini-van said he did not need paramedics. However, he starts this Oscar winning neck injury performance. His neck must hurt from seeing dollar signs. So this means we have to take a nonsense traffic report just so this idiot can attempt to milk the other guy for $$$. Whatever.

While I am getting the info from the SUV driver, Mr. Mini Van comes walking over. I am thin on patience at this point. So I turn around and say, "Why don't you go sit down in your vehicle and I will be with you when I am done here. I wouldn't want you to further injure yourself. Are you sure you don't want paramedics?" I am hoping he could tell that I was not buying it. I even told the SUV guy what I thought was going on and wished him good luck.

#3. Vandalism
I stop these kids in an alleyway. We received a call on some kids tagging some store fronts. One of the kids has a white paint marker in his pocket, white paint on his hands, and he is sitting right by a pole that has been marked with a white marker. Hmmm...you think maybe they were tagging?

PARTNER: What name do you tag under?

KID: I don't tag.

PARTNER: Seriously? Look, this is your one chance. I am not an idiot. You can either get a ticket, go to the station and we can have your parents come pick you up, or you can be straight with me and I will let you go.

They go round and round like this for about five minutes. The kid lies like crazy until finally he tells the truth. We take his photos and info. We will see them again soon, I am sure.

#4. Traffic Accident
We roll to a traffic accident with a rolled over vehicle. It is a really nice Mercedes...bummer. The driver has a few scratches, but he is ok. Lucky dude.

He tells us someone hit him hard from behind and he crashed. So I look at the rear of his car and there is not a scratch on it. In fact the rear portion of the car is the only part of the car that does not have some damage on it.

You messed up and flipped your car over. You have insurance. Why lie? I don't get it.

I used to think it would be difficult to tell when people were lying to you. It is never this obvious on TV. 95% of the time it is glaringly obvious.

By the way, in case you did not figure it out. Liar Liar Pants On Fire.

So Many Flashlights

I carry three flashlights on my person at night. My primary flashlight, my backup flashlight and my weapon light. I am going to talk about each one, where I keep them and what brands I have used.

PRIMARY FLASHLIGHT:
I started my career with Streamlight SL-20X LED. It's a halogen light with an LED low light mode. The idea was that I could use the halogen for most things and the LED for doing paperwork, so I wouldn't blind myself while doing paperwork. I also wanted a hefty flashlight in my hand in case someone attacked me. I could use it for defense. I quickly noticed, after a 12 hour shift, that the light would be dim after a while. The battery just could not handle a full shift of car stops. My partners were getting the new LED lights and they seemed brighter.

After a few months, a friend of mine recommended the LED Lenser P17 flashlight. Initially it was very cool. You could focus the beam, for spotlight or for paperwork and it was hefty...too hefty. I stick the flashlight under my arm quite a bit. It stays there for an extended period of time. The idea is to keep your hands free in case the shit hits the fan. Keeping a fat, heavy flashlight under your arm for that long is tiring. I also noticed the light would dim towards the end of the batteries life. This flashlight used 3 D batteries instead of being rechargeable.

So one night my partner brings out his new flashlight, the Streamlight Stinger LED HP. It is skinnier, smaller and lighter than my other flashlights, so it is very comfortable under the arm for ling periods of time. Oh yah, and it is friggin' WAY bright. Noticeably brighter than my other flashlights. I also like that I can stick it in my rear pants pocket without it feeling akward. It is rechargeable. It has three brightness modes. Finally it has a very cool strobe effect that confuses the hell out of people and seems to stun them for a few seconds. This comes in very handy when I walk up on someone I think may have a weapon.

I still keep my LED Lenser in my bag as a backup primary flashlight. I also have not been using my Stinger for very long, so I may find an issue with it. So far it is awesome. I always work nights, so flashlights are very important to me. As I am sure you can tell.

I keep my primary flashlight either in my non-weapon hand, under my armpit or in my rear pants pocket. When I am driving, it is under my leg, so when I get up I am sure to grab it.


BACKUP FLASHLIGHT:
I do not obsess as much about my backup flashlight. I keep it on the rear of my duty rig in a holster. It only comes out when I don't have my primary flashlight on me. I always carry my backup on my belt, even during daytime. You would be suprised how much you use a flashlight during the day.

I originally had an old Surefire halogen flashlight, but the old halogen flashlights dessimate batteries, so I wanted an LED backup. I finally decided on the Surefire LED Aviator with a red low output beam. This is not a cheap flashlight, in fact, it is the most expensive one I own. My family asked me what I wanted for Christmas last year, and this is what I asked for. They went in together to get it for me.

It is pretty bright for a little LED guy. Not the brightest one on the market, but it is acceptable. The big seller for me was the low output red light. You can use this to see at night and not give away your position. I use it to read in the car when I am being sneaky.

WEAPON LIGHT:
There was really only one choice here, but luckily it was a good one. The Surefire weapon light was the only decent light at the time that had a pressure switch. The Streamlight had a rocker switch and my department would not sign off on it. The pressure switch is the only way to go anyway.

Hopefully, this blog post will help someone save some money. Of course, just because I like a flashlight, does not mean you will.

God's Pot

My partner ant I stopped a couple of kids the other day. They were sitting in there car in a shitty area known for drugs.

As we approach the driver's side of the car we see a bong in the backseat. No big deal, we could care less about marijuana at this point. So I say to the driver, "Hey bud, do you mind stepping out of the car for me?" So he steps out of the car and immediately blurts out, "I'm an ordained minister!!"

I pause for a second and then I start to smirk. It takes some willpower not to laugh, but I want to screw with him a bit. Oh yeah? Is the weed in your car part of your religion?

It turns out, he IS an ordained minister on the way to his sisters wedding rehearsal. He had a certificate with him and everything. It is one of those Internet churches. You can send them money and they will make you a minister. I let him go with a warning.

I don't want to mess with a deity's weed. LOL.

Barf-o-rama

I don't get grossed out easily. I grew up in a law enforcement family, which means dirty jokes and a twisted sense of humor. I had my first call the other night that actually turned me green.

I get a call for a fight. The door opens to the house and I see Ralph. His name was not Ralph, but I think it is appropriate. Ralph has a little blood on his mouth and he looks high as a kite.

I sit Ralph down and put some latex gloves on. I knew this was not going to go well. I can't explain it, you just know sometimes. It is a combination of body language, actual language and the little hairs on the back of your neck.

While my partner talks to Ralph's brother; Ralph decides to start getting squirrely. I end up taking Ralph to the ground after I decide he can't be reasoned with. I tell Ralph, "He dude, relax. You are making this much worse than it needs to be." I am a pretty patient guy, but I have my limits.

Ralph starts making this choking noise. I check to make sure I am not leaning on him too hard. I barely have any weight on him. I have my knee just touching his back and my left foot near his head. I took him to the ground pretty gently, so I am confused.

Then I realize what is happening and I quickly move my foot. Ralph starts vomiting right on his neighbors doormat. Nice. After he is done, I lift him up to move him out of his vomit. He begins to struggle, so I put a little weight on him. Ralph vomits again. I pick him out of his vomit and he flips out AGAIN.

At this point I have had enough. I tell him, "Look dude, I am trying to be nice here! If you vomit again, you are going to have to just deal with it. Everytime I lift you up out of it, you flip out on me."

So now the vomit fountain kicks into high gear. I have him right up on the edge of the stairs. So as he vomits, it runs down the stairs; kind of like a fountain, a disgusting, chunky fountain.

I call for backup to help me get him down the stairs and into my car. So I have to wait like five minutes while I am holding this guy down, in his own vomit. I have my head turned away from him, so that I don't get a full blast of the smell.

It was pretty nasty. I did not eat anything else that night. I think it was a combination of the sight, sound as smell. GROSS! I can still smell it and it has been days. LIVING THE DREAM!! LOL

Thief!

I was driving around town last Friday looking for drunk customers to escort to the clink, when I spot this car. It is a blue Crown Victoria with tinted windows and spotlights on each side. It does almost a perfect impression of one of our gang units cars.

Being the curious type, I pulled up along the right side of it to see who it is. I look in the window and I see some kid with his hat on backwards, dancing in his seat, to what I imagine is Britney Spears. He has got some arm tats and just looks like a little dirtbag.

I already have probable cause to stop the car, as it has tinted windows and I am pulling over just about anything that moves looking for drunks. So I slow down to pull in behind him. Just as I am about to light him up, my shady area partner speeds up behind him, laughing like a jack ass, and pulls him over. Son of a bitch!

I was laughing so hard I almost had to pull over. My partner seemed so pleased with himself. I guess he had been watching me size this guy up and when I decided it was a good stop, he snaked it from me. Wino! The joke was on him though. He put him through the field sobriety tests, got nothing and had to cut him loose. All that work for nothing. I'm sure it was worth it for the look on my face.

I considered squirting a little pepper spray out the window as I drove by, but thought better of it.