Sworn In

I was sworn in last week and I had my first shift on Friday. I am buried in training and paperwork, so I am not going to write anything lengthy at the moment. I will post a full report of my first shift when I have a free moment.

OMGWTFBBQ POLYGRAPH!

I read the law enforcement message boards periodically and one of the common questions I see is about the ever dreaded polygraph. There seems to be quite a bit of fear surrounding this magical device. Now, I am no expert on the polygraph, but I have been through it three times now and have passed each one.

In my opinion, there are two types of people that are concerned about the polygraph. The first type is the person who has something to hide and wants to know how to beat it. This type is boned and shouldn't be in law enforcement to begin with. I will be addressing this post to the second type, the normal applicant who has nothing to hide, but is concerned that the polygraph will call them out as a liar even though they are telling the truth. The first time I did a polygraph, I couldn't help but think the same thing.

The first step in the polygraph is a huge questionnaire. There are questions regarding your drug past, criminal past, gang affiliations and much more. If I recall, this took me about 20-30 minutes to fill this sucker out.

As you are filling out this monster quiz, the most important thing is to detail everyting ad nauseum. They will tell you to write next to questions you answered yes to and detail the events. I also like to write down the questions numbers which were unclear, so I can ask the investigator about it afterwards. Let me give you an example from my list. The question was something like, "Have you ever stolen anything?" I put down that I stole $10 from my mother when I was younger, I also stole candy once from 7-11 when I was really young.

Now, you might be thinking, do they really care that you stole something when you were 8 years old? Don't they just want to know about your adult life? Put down EVERTHING. If you think of anything, put it down on that paper. This is very important. You will see why later.

Ok, now you have completed this questionnaire. You may have even revealed some embarassing facts about your person sex life. Have you ever had sex in a public pool? I have, and I had to put it on my polygraph questionnaire. Yeesh. That is a difficult thing to explain to a complete stranger, but they know you are human and expect that you have done some stupid things in your youth.

At this point the polygraph investigator, who is more than likely an ex-police detective, is going to read through your list and ask you specific questions about each incident, just to make sure he has everything straight. This is your opportunity to ask about any of the questions that were unclear to you. Make sure you do this and get everything off your chest.

Now he is going to hook you up to the polygraph computer. Each one is different, but usually there is a thing that goes on your finger, a strap that goes around your chest, a blood pressure monitor on your arm and a pressure sensitive seat...so hold in that fart, because he will know if you don't. You think I am kidding, try it. =)

He is going to ask you about 10 questions while actually hooked up to the polygraph torture device and he will ask the series twice. I forget exactly how it was worded, but it was something like, "Did you lie about anything in your drug past?" You will answer, no. The answer to all the questions is no.

Here is the key to the polygraph. After he asks you each question, he will wait approximately 30 seconds before he asks you another one. You have to remain completely still and stare at the wall. You can not sniff, fart, move or jostle. If you do, he has to start over. This gives you time to think about your answer. If you suddenly remember that you did have sexual relations with a sheep in college, you may show some kind of reaction to the polygraph. That is why it is so important for you to feel like you have told EVERYTHING to the investigator. So you can relax and just answer no to each question. You know you have told the truth ad nauseum and therefore so does the polygraph.

That is it folks. It is a very easy process. After I got my first one done I was amused at how worked up I got about it. It really is no big deal. If you are lying or hiding something, then you will fail. Reveal everything about the subjects they ask you, no matter how stupid, and you will pass. The department may then disqualify you for that sheep thing, but you will have passed the polygraph.

What do I need to do to prepare for the academy?

I have recently graduated from the police academy and a question I get quite a bit is, "What do I need to do to prepare for the academy?" Since I have no actual street experience, apart from the ride a longs I have been on, this is one of the few areas I can speak with some experience.

Now, all academies are different, but that being said, the academy I attended is one of the hardest out there...or so I have been told. I do not doubt that. So if you prepare with the following in mind, you will either be over prepared or just prepared enough.

I would say first and foremost you need to be in good physical shape. I do not know that all academies are as physically demanding as the one I attended, but better to be over prepared than struggling. You have enough to worry about during the academy without having to worry about being separated because you can't hack the PT. Give yourself at LEAST six months of preparation beforehand. Find out what style of PT your academy is focused on. My academy was very much into Crossfit type exercises and some running. There are other academies that are very heavy on the running.

I got a call from a friend of mine a few weeks back that was starting the academy and he asked me, "What learning domains should I study to get prepared for the academy?" Ignore the learning domains until you are in the academy. You will learn everything you need to know about the learning domains in the classroom and you will learn them correctly. For my academy I had to know The Law Enforcement Code of Ethics , Weapons and Handcuff Speeches, radio codes (200+ codes), exercise and stretching speeches, academy chain of command and the department chain of command all on day one. Believe me when I tell you, this is a hell of a lot of stuff to memorize. So just concentrate on that or whatever your Recruit Orientation Manual tells you to memorize.

Read the recruit orientation manual over and over again. Know it well. At one point the Tactical Sergeant asked one of the guys how many remedial instruction reports he could give us in one day. He answered, "Sir, as far as I know, as many as you want to, sir!" Funny, but incorrect. We did some cycles of discipline for that one.

Practice the academy protocols. You are going to look like a nutjob doing it, but it helps. If you can, get together with your classmates and practice this stuff ahead of time. Also get in touch with someone from a previous class and have them act the part of the Tac Staff and practice your marching, formations, etc.

Your goal is to know this stuff backwards and forwards and perform under high stress. The first time the Tac gets in your face, you will forget your own name. It happened to me, it happens to everyone. Just take a second, compose yourself and move on.

The first time I had to report to the Tac office I had to say two lines and the second one I couldn't get right to save my life. "Sir, Recruit FlyTrap request permission to pick up the academy clipboard and Class x's remedial instruction report folders, sir!" Now, I knew ahead of time exactly what I had to say and I practiced it over and over again in the classroom, but damned if I could do it in the office after the Tac staff rattled me a bit. The only advice I can offer is just stare straight forward and turn your brain off.

You will get used to the stress after a week or so and getting yelled at won't be a big deal. If you know your shit, the Tac staff will generally leave you alone. It is no fun for them if you know your memorization work. I guarantee you that after they yell at you for a bit and go back into their office, they laugh their asses off. Cops have a great sense of humor and some of the stuff that the Tac staff says is hilarious. DO NOT LAUGH! =)

Some of the worst moments are the funniest. I always used to think of that fact while I was getting hammered. That was the best part of the academy, after something horrible had just happened to you, going back to your fellow recruits and laughing your asses off about it.

The first week will suck eggs and every day it gets easier and easier. Do not quit, no matter what they tell you. They will tell you that you are the worst class they have ever had, that you should not be there and that you should quit now as you will never make it to the end. DO NOT QUIT.

While you are in the police academy, act accordingly even outside of the academy grounds. Do not go out drinking on Saturday night and get in to a bar fight. Drive according to the law. Do not pick up prostitutes while you are in the academy. That last one actually happened to one of my fellow recruits. Do not ever EVER lie to the Tac staff. They will find out and your career will be over. The academy is a grueling 5-6 month process. Don't waste all your hard work by doing something stupid.

Oh, and one more thing. For those of you that think I am exaggerating or think that you will worry about all this nonsense once you get into the academy, stand by. You will not be well liked by the staff and your fellow recruits, but that is ok. You won't be around for long, anyway.

My file has moved!

It has been a while since I have posted. I was hoping my next post would be that I was being sworn in, but alas I am still waiting.

I received a call from my background investigator about a month ago that my file had moved from the Sergeant's desk to the Lieutenant's desk. I am assuming now that the Lieutenant has caught his fingers in a chinese finger trap and has been working diligently this last month to remedy that dilemna. I like that scenario better than the probable truth, which is that my file is a low priority and they will get to it when they have time.

So for now, here is a picture that made me laugh today.

Patience and hiring

During the hiring process I have learned one thing.  Patience is a virtue.  Apparently, I am not very virtuous because the waiting is driving me batshit.

I have been applying with various departments since October of 2008.  My first few oral interviews I did not do that well with.  It had been a good 10 years since I had done any kind of interview and I was a bit rusty to say the least.  So the first two departments I applied to, I did not pass the oral interviews.

I started the police academy in January of 2009 and I knew that I would not really be able to focus on the hiring process while in the academy.  So I made the conscious decision to wait until July to apply anywhere else.

So I applied at a local department in July of 2009.  I actually applied with them months before, but they lost my application.

About a month later I had my oral interview which went very well.  They asked me some scenario questions and the basic, "Why do you want to be a police officer?"  They also asked me a few of the basics that everyone should know coming out of a police academy.  Sponsoring myself through the academy helped me quite a bit with the oral interview.  I did not have to think too much when it came to the scenario questions.  I knew what I was supposed to do.

A month or so later I finally called the Sergeant and he informed me that I had passed the oral interview and I should have received a letter in the mail.  I did not, but I was very happy to hear that I had passed.

In November, I had my background interview.  He gave me the paperwork and all the required nonsense he needed from me.  If you are planning on applying to an agency, see if you can get their background form ahead of time as it will take you a while to compile all this information.  I already had everything ready, as I had been through the same thing for the academy.

A few days later I had my polygraph.  People get really freaked out about the polygraph, but there really is no reason to unless you just snorted blow off a hooker before you came in to take it.  Let me explain.  You fill out this big old questionnaire beforehand that asks you questions about your drug past, gang past etc.  The interviewer then goes through everything you put on your form to make sure that he is clear on it.  This is your chance to say anything and EVERYTHING.  If you have ANY concerns about any of the questions, just ask.  The point of this part is to make sure that there is nothing nagging you in the back of your mind about any of the questions.  He then hooks you up to the poly and asks you 10 questions twice.  Something like, "Did you lie about anything in your drug background?"  The answer to every question is no.  Pretty simple and not worth getting stressed about if you have nothing to hide.  So, don't hide anything!

I went on a few ride a longs after the poly and had a good time.  I really liked the people that worked at the department and it made me want to work there more than ever.

At the beginning of February, the background investigator came out to interview my wife and do a neighborhood check.  He just knocks on your neighbors doors and asks them about you.  If you aren't a complete jack-hole to your neighbors, you should be fine.  This marked the end, or close to the end of the background.  He had already sent out and gotten back all the letters he sent to employers, references, family and the like.

Up until this point I have been pretty patient and it really has not bothered me that much, but the closer I get to the end, the worse it gets.  As far as I know, my paperwork is sitting on a supervisor's desk just waiting to be approved.  It has been on this same desk for over a month.  Their original estimate for completion of my hiring process was January.  So don't believe any estimates, it will be done when it is done.

So I am understandably impatient now.  I am just doing my best to keep busy and not think too much about it.  I have been told to give it one more month.  Not that I have a choice in the matter.  It has been almost 9 months in the hiring process.  Logically I know it could be worse and I am lucky that I am even this far.  Many people are applying right now and the competition is tough. 

None of this will matter once I get the badge pinned on.

Rainy night ride a long

I went on a ride along last night with a local PD that I am in backgrounds with. It was raining pretty much all night.

I got there at 1800 hours and the Sgt. brought me in to sit in briefing. I have been in a few different briefings with a few different departments. I really liked the overall feel of the people and supervisors working for the department. I really hope that I am able to make it through the process and work for them.

The first hour of the night was spent writing a narcotics sale report. I pretty much just sat there while the officer wrote out his narrative. The sergeant stuck his head in at one point, smiled at me and said, "Welcome to policework!"

After we finished his paperwork we got out on the streets. There really wasn't much happening as everyone was inside staying out of the rain.

We stopped a bicycle for an infraction at about 2200 hours. We had dispatch run him for warrants. It came back that he was on parole and he was wanted for some kind of misdemeanor parole violation. We arrested him, took him back to the station and then transported him to the county jail. That part was pretty interesting as I had never been in the intake center of the county jail before. I looked around for anyone I knew from the aademy, but I didn't recognize anyone. The Sheriff's Department is a huge agency.

A little side story, the officer I was with went to thank another officer for letting him into this gate we were going through. So he walks up to him and says, "Thanks dude!" As the "officer" turns around he notices the double bars on his shirt and says, "Uhhh...captain." The captain just laughed. The officer turned to me and mouths, "Oops!"

At about midnight we did a patrol check of a neighborhood known for its drug activity. As we rounded the corner a guy in dark clothing took off from us. By the time we pulled around the corner he was nowhere in sight and a few people were just standing there staring at us. He told me that unless you went out on foot, you have no chance of catching those guys.

Later, we did a bar check on a local pub. As we were leaving one of the bouncers walked up to us and told us there was a girl driving away who had been drinking. So the other unit we were with pulled her over for a traffic violation and proceeded to do a field sobriety test. The officer who was conducting the FST was a rookie and I felt really bad for him as the girl was really beligerent and was having none of it. She refused the FST and he was forced to arrest her after he gave kind of a panicked look to his training officer. She was yelling at him the whole time. "You know this is wrong. How do you sleep knowing what you do to people?" Finally the experienced officer stepped in and told her that she was the one who chose to drive drunk and that she should just keep her mouth shut. I can imagine it is hard being a rookie. You want to be nice to people and be professional like you are trained to do and you are not sure quite yet how to handle people like this. I am not as young as he is, so maybe I will have an easier time, maybe not. We will see.

That was it. I am guessing this will be my last ride along before I actually get hired. The background investigator told me he was hoping to get me hired in January. I am crossing my fingers.

Fond memories: OC Spray

I was organizing some of my pictures today and I came across the pictures that were taken of me during our OC or pepper spray training. These pictures make me laugh every time I look at them.

So first let me set up the first picture. We were standing in a two by two line in what I can only describe as the closest I will ever come to being a lemming. I saw that people were getting hit in the face with some kind of liquid, they all had similar reactions of extreme pain and yet I continued to move forward. Had I known what I know now, I would have been much more nervous. As first I was bound and determined to take it like a man. Go ahead and give me your worst you sons of bitches!

Now, the first blast of liquid hit me in the eyes and all I felt was pressure. So I opened my eyes wide and blinked. It was kind of a reflex reaction. So both my eyeballs were coated with this liquid. This was one of those slow motion moments of my life and I remember it vividly. It seemed like it wasn't going to be that bad. About one second later I felt it. I can only describe it as sanding your eyeballs with 100 grit sandpaper and then squirting lemon juice over the abrasions. Here is the picture of my first reaction...
 

Hey!  Don't laugh you bitches!  Haha, no it is ok, it makes me laugh too. The instuctors told us very specifically NOT to touch your face with your hand, but I lost complete control over my hand and I came very close to doing just that. I pulled my hand away at the last second, thankfully. I will tell you why this is good later.

The deputy that sprayed me got me for about 5 seconds of steady stream. We are friends now, but at that moment I was not his biggest fan.

The instructors told us to try and blink to slowly clear your eyes of the OC. So being the good recruit I attempted to open my eyes and blink every 30 seconds or so. Each time I even cracked my eyes open a little of that vile liquid seeped into my eyeballs and the pain started all over again. They handed us paper towels to blot the spray out of our eyes, but that didn't help much. I used my hand and my pants to wipe off the copious amounts of snot streaming out of my nose. I just didn't care about cleanliness at this point. This went on for about 20 minutes. That was a very long 20 minutes.

So after 20 minutes I was finally able to pry my eyes open and look around. It was maybe a little before this that I realized it felt like I had the worst sunburn of my life on my face and head. It was not really a hot day out, but we were all cowering from the sun like a bunch of weeping, snotting vampires. I would have killed for some rain. They told us there was a breeze out and that we should face the breeze, but damned if I felt it. Everywhere the spray touched burned, this is why I am glad I did not contaminate my hand. I actually wiped the sweat off my brow with my wrist at one point and when I went to put on my watch later, it hurt.

So the sunburn thing lasted for about another hour. After I got home I knew I needed to get decontaminated. The pain had pretty much subsided, but I needed to get it off of me and doing so would not be pleasant. So I took a shower, making sure that the water did not run down my body into more sensitive areas. I scrubbed and scrubbed everywhere doing my best to get it all off. Of course, once I got out of the water, I felt the sunburn feeling kick in. So I stood in front of my industrial sized fan in the garage for about 30 minutes until it subsided.

The moral of the story is this kids. Do not resist the police. You do NOT want to get sprayed! Really, I am not kidding! I would rather get kicked in the nuts than go through this again.